


December.

by aestheticiero



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, December by Neck Deep, M/M, Self Harm, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, neck deep - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 21:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14941886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestheticiero/pseuds/aestheticiero





	December.

Stumbled around the block a thousand times  
You missed every call that I had tried  
So now I'm giving up

December 27th. Also known as the fifteenth day that Awsten wandered through the streets of Houston. The atmosphere was nearly asphyxiating, suffocating Awsten's every step without him. Without Geoff's presence. He was gone for good. He left him. Geoff left him. Broken promises were all that echoed through his ears nowadays.

Fifteen days after Geoff moved back to Chicago with his sister, six days after Awsten's last shower, two days after the last piece of food touched his mouth. Thirteen days after his first thought of ending it all.

The thought of consuming booze hadn't left his mind either. He couldn't bring himself to do it, that would crumble 24 years of sobriety to the ground. And Awsten didn't want that. Yet.

Awsten had learned where every telephone booth in Houston was placed. They were his new favorite spots to hang at, since Geoff had blocked his number after the 93rd voice message within the first week. 134 calls, 0 answers.

A heartbreak in mid-December  
You don't give a fuck  
You never remember me.

"Not everything in this world revolves around you Geoff. Maybe you should start thinking about other people's feelings every once in a while!"  
"What the fuck, Awsten?! If you weren't such a self-centered asshole this would never have happened! None of these fights! Everything's about you and your fucking depression! Have you not realized that I've spent the last three years of my life babysitting a now 24 year old man who's not mentally stable enough to stay by himself for a week? 'Geoff go to the store to pick up more antidepressants, Geoff make me food, Geoff skip work today so we can cuddle' I've had enough! It's been a year since you stopped working at that management office so naturally I'm supposed to make both our ends meet by myself, and not even get a thank you! I know depression Awsten, you fucking know damn well I do. But you should really consider therapy. I can't keep begging you to visit a specialist, you're old and supposedly mature enough to do so by yourself."  
"Fuck you, Geoff. Fuck. You. If you know depression all that well why are you blaming every god forsaken bad thing that happens on mine?! Is this how your daddy had treated you back then?!"

Awsten covered his mouth with his palm, the biggest wave of regret washing over him. He vividly remembers how he met Geoff- standing on the edge of the smoothie store's roof next to his school nearly nine years ago. It had been two years after his mother had passed away and Geoff was a mess. His father was heavily abusive towards him and would not let him tell anyone about his mental health. But Awsten knew. Awsten noticed. He noticed bruises but also angry red marks every now and then. He hated those more than anything, knowing they were self inflicted. Seven years, five suicide attempts, and a restraining order against his father later, Geoff was finally on the path to happiness. Awsten was starting to slip into a depressing mood more and more but nothing mattered to him, as long as Geoff was happy and clean. And he was, he really was. But in that simple sentence, Awsten had completely crushed Geoff's spirit to the ground.

"Geoff I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"  
"Fuck you, Awsten. Fuck you. I've had enough. Enjoy your fucking life, don't you dare fucking miss me."

The sound of the door closing echoed through every room of the house and kept doing so for the weeks to come.

While you're pulling on his jeans  
Getting lost in the big city  
I was looking out our window  
Watching all the cars go  
Wondering if I'll see Chicago  
Or a sunset on the West Coast

Geoff hadn't been in Chicago in years. He hadn't missed it but he couldn't stay in Houston- no, Texas. They had created memories in every big city within those nine years of knowing each other.

It wasn't long until Chloe found her way around him again. He always tried to push her away since he lived in hopes of Awsten loving him back but now that their love had turned to ashes he was so emotionally worn out that he couldn't bring himself to ask her to leave him alone.

Or will I die in the cold  
Feeling blue and alone

Awsten never bothered to bring a jacket with him nowadays. His big jumpers were hot, but never hot enough. They could never fill that hole in Awsten's heart that left him numb and cold. Nothing could take away all the tantalizing thoughts that lingered his pretty little mind, those images of dead roses on the ground, specifically blue haired dead roses.

December 28th. Otto's birthday. Awsten went to his place, despite only death seeming entertaining in that moment.

Otto told him Geoff would be there. He wasn't.

Nor was he in the New Year's day party all his friends threw.  
Geoff was gone for good and it was time for Awsten to realize it.

It was January 17th and Awsten was turning 25.

Pain is never permanent but tonight it's killing me.

It would be the first birthday he wasn't celebrating with Geoff in a decade and he sure as hell was ready for it to be the last. Despite Otto insisting, he was alone on that night after going out for a drink.

Alone with his thoughts, alone with his depression, alone with his pills, and alone with alcohol. He hadn't had any extreme continuous anxiety episodes in two years but it had gotten so bad within that month that he was prescribed Xanax. Perfect.  
When Geoff left he also left back his favorite bottle of Whiskey.

Perfect.

He was determined that Awsten Constantine Knight, born to Roscoe and Amanda, was going to die on January 17th, 2017.

Otto seemed to have forgotten his wallet at Awsten's house and drove back to his place which wasn't too far in the middle of the night, not for one second giving up on the idea of leaving him alone on his birthday night.

Needless to say, he wasn't late to dig out his spare key when he saw that Awsten took more than two minutes to answer the door.

He was searching for Awsten in the apartment but couldn't find him, not in the front part of it at least.

If he was quick enough to open the door by himself, he was even quicker to drive past every car passing by at two a.m. to rush his suicidal friend to the hospital.

Awsten woke up hooked to various machines, the feeling unfamiliar. No matter how bad things got, Awsten had never tried to take his life.

It was the first out of the seven in total times.

Came July and Awsten had managed to find himself a boyfriend. He was loving and caring and careful with Awsten's problems. Jawn truly was wonderful. But after two months of less severe depression a nightmare awoke Awsten from his blissful sleep and reminded him of that final fight with Geoff that ended it all. He wouldn't let this happen again. He wouldn't let others break him. He was only allowed to break himself. And that's what he did. He broke up with Jawn like he broke up with his past sober and healthy self. There wasn't a day where Awsten wouldn't drink. It was an addiction he wasn't willing to put an end to.

December 12th.

I miss your face, you're in my head

Geoff's face was in Awsten's head and Awsten was on the edge of a bridge. Steps away from death. 2017 had brought him many joys and some of the most beautiful times in his life, but they just weren't enough. Geoff was his happiness. Geoff was his serotonin. And what happens when one is lacking serotonin? Depression fucking happens and that's what Awsten was. Swallowed by depression. He took a step forward.

There's so many things that I should have said.

His stupid careless fucking mistake. His sister always told him to keep his mouth shut. Younger, yet so much wiser. Another step.

A year of suffering, a lesson learned.

If a person were to be within a two-mile radius of Awsten, they would smell the booze and sadness. Another step.

I miss your face, you're in my head

This has been it. No one is finding him half-dead now. This is the end. This is the end of his short, miserable life. Another step. Second to last. Soon, it would all be over.

A year of suffering, a lesson lear-

"Awsten?"

Awsten was so shocked to hear that familiar haunting voice that he almost ended up falling hundreds of meters to his death.

"G-Geoff?"

"I'm right here baby, I'm right here."

A hug right next to a big void that would lead to death could be seen as both psychotic and romantic- whatever one likes.

For Awsten it was his favorite moment of his entire life.

Exactly 19 minutes later they were back at Awsten's apartment. Their apartment.

"What's all this alcohol smell?"  
"What are all these red marks on your skin?"

'Explain' was the only word that calmly left their mouths. It was a long and painful two hours of reuniting before every single alcoholic beverage and sharp object was thrown out of their small, lovely and now lively apartment.

"Promise you'll stay this time?"   
"I promise. I am yours and you are mine."  
"From this day"   
"Until the end of my days."

It'll be a long,  
Lovely  
December.

 


End file.
